Pick a fight with a Lion at your peril.

Saying "Who's a pretty Kitty" did not relax Aslan one bit

The 500 year old, moley faced man at the Chinese takeaway always has a poignant saying for everything. When I flumped across his counter with a great deflated huff I knew I was in for a corker. The last week has been about as much fun as brushing my teeth with a claw hammer. Unlike a soldier who's job it is to roam the sandy deserts looking for a fight, I try to avoid them. Sometimes though, no matter what you do, it just finds you. How many times has a Wasp been hell bent on making you freak-out despite you desperately trying to ignore it? Normally this occurs on a first date when you are trying to be uber cool. 

Try as you might the pesky critter knows just where to buzz until you crack like a Werewolf on a full moon and start waggling your arms around like a man who's forgotten his parachute. My point is, we all have our breaking points and I reached mine this week. The old man gave me free prawn crackers and nodded sagely after me in true Yoda style 'A fool picks a fight with a caged lion for it will become a cunning fox and eat you'.

Now we all know 5 + 5 = 10. We equally know that 4 + 4 does not add up to 10. So when someone swears blind that 4 + 4 equals 10 is it any wonder that we become irate as customers. When you know you are right, you are right. A true customer service experience is knowing you have only scored 8/10 but giving in a little to make the customer happy. What seems to have happened lately is that companies are 'Faking care of customer service' hailing 6's and 7's out of 10 as 'Excellent Customer Service'. We want 10/10 and are fed up with being fobbed off with terrible service. Most remote control keyboard monkeys in call centre are now incapable of understanding the Phonetic alphabet! They struggle with even 'A is for, err ummm ahhhh, A Burger' - this was quoted to me this week by Insure & Go. 'A' burger! 

Try this next time you go to TESCO and see what happens. If the bill comes to £100 try paying them with an £80 note quoting, 'I feel that is an adequate payment'. What would they do? They would call the Police that's what. But if you paid £100 for only £80 worth of shopping that is a different matter. We have to pay for what we buy in shops simple as that, unless you are a Chav. If we do not like what we buy, we get a refund, that is the Law. So why, for the love of goats do we have to accept a lesser service from companies but still pay the full amount. We need to retrain our brains as to what is acceptable for customer service. Stand up and be heard. Be polite, be firm and know what you want to achieve. Picking a fight is never fun, but if they come looking for one, give them one.

If I said to you the letters 'STHM, TCHPHR & TCHST' were no longer allowed to be used in the English language would you complain? What would you say? Well my Bank did something similar this week. They changed something but dressed it up to look like I would never use it. But I did. I used it regularly. They then blamed me for doing it saying I agreeing. I felt livid. You know that Lion, in the cage, that is now being poked with a stick and it is getting cross. Cross and as cunning as a fox. Oh and without those letters, say goodbye to the words Asthma, Catchphrase and Matchstick. Have you ever got off the phone so enraged that your polite indignation knows no bounds? Have you ever felt so furious that they just will not listen to reason? Well you can take back the power, it is so easy, try it next time and I will help you.

Last week a Solicitor was not up to scratch and only did less than half his job. When he was paid £100 short of a £3k bill for his failed work, he refused to complete the case. What he did was despicable and was almost extortion. Forced with no other option,like the caged lion the full payment was made. He antagonised a sleeping lion and kept poking it. Instead of holding his hands up he swore blind that 4/10 was 10/10 despite being shown otherwise. Now here is the point, do you walk away? Do you challenge him to a duel or do you stand your ground? Well I say, evaluate and then stand by your principals if you feel you have been wronged. What really gets to me is when people know they are clearly wrong but hide behind an invisible glass shield knowing you will not react, yet they still provoke. 

Well he was wrong, very wrong. Said Solicitor is now the subject of Solicitors Regulatory Authority complaint as well as a Legal Ombudsman complaint. It may only be £100 but right is right, and wrong is wrong. 

Never ever 'pick a fight with a caged lion for it will become a cunning fox and eat you'. Wise words indeed.